I’ve had some really funny and intense moments lately.
I came to really see and recognize some of my patterns, see deeper the face of the abuse I endured as a child, and how I allow it to manifest through other people, beautiful reflection and one that brings me genuinely closer to my clients and allows me to see them also more clearly with greater compassion and with practical tools for cutting these stories. That is so astounding to me – always – that [Tweet “within every realization and discovery are also next tools and practices to live by”]
I sort of came to realize, I realized everything – hilarious – and in a way that I felt myself limited. Like I was in some kind of glass bubble and could not come out of it, and I knew every part of it and was tired of it.
I know, someone might think I am pretty arrogant to say I have realized everything. I have realized that I have explored most of my universe in one way only – and it works, and it is a great thing to realize.
Yet, this moment-of-realization is a first and beautiful step to move forward in a new direction, to crack the egg open (sort of speak) and to go beyond the concepts of the mind and more into the feeling creativity. [Tweet “There’s got to be more here folks not just the glass ceiling.”]
Nearing a burnout and frankly being obsessed about work – I had to get a clue somehow. This masculine tendency of doing and the ‘Me Plan’ (as Chameli Ardagh calls it) it all needed a new perspective adjustment. But wait, I have been nearing a burn out for like 3 years, could I not just push a little bit further… nah, let’t be wise now.
I decided to go into the only next natural thing there is – the feminine. I decided to be smart about it too, not wait until
I burn out totally that I need hospitalization but that rather listen to the guidance of the grandfathers that are always with me and well… do it now before it is too late.
Why is it so hard to take care of yourself, and easier to take care of others? Many answers but throwing it back to the Buddhists they had that figured out quite some time ago that [Tweet “when you stop-doing you get more done – The Buddhists ;)”] – go figure.
The funny thing about awakening and the work I do, is that it is our current patterns and states that get us to move into the new places, yet we need to leave everything at the door as we step into the new. So its like going for a swim, you arrive fully dressed and sooner or later you have to take your clothes off to go into the water.
So what I mean is that in my usual way aka: my-amazonian-unpredicted-way, I decided to hook up with a feminine guru and read my own manual (sort of speak).
I am so sad to report that this is not as easy as I thought it would be, the sheer discomfort of it and the ‘lack’ of control I feel are just bewildering. Moreover they show me the deeply ingrained patterns of the masculine world I allowed to imprint on my body, and mind.
It is so new to me to be here, rather than doing and making things happen I am learning to swim and flow. I wonder if this cat can swim.
Moreover upon some heart-felt reflections it is quite tragic I think, that women live in a masculine world, disconnected from the feminine, their own root and do not understand what actually is happening to them. There are women who live in this world without even knowing that it is masculine, and a number of years ago I was one of them.
The realm of feminine is a little bit elusive – I can handle that. I like it.[Tweet “There is an inner dance going on within my heart, as well as an outer dance.”]
There is seemingly no direction (and I am moving forward much faster), there is nothing to do (and everything gets done), there are few attachments (and I feel so grounded), there is everything right here (and I start to see it), I am not pushing or chasing anything (and everything is arriving in its perfect time) I see possibilities, I feel and sense myself, I’m just being, blending with spontaneous laughter. I am trusting love again.
I am happy to report that there is a greater sense of wildness returning and a new channel is being shaped by the shakti writing these words. Calm waters abiding and unlearning continues.
And I am comfortable being uncomfortable. And not for long. 😉
Till soon love-bugs
Artwork: Sacred Feminine, Divine Mary Magdalene by Jade Scarlett